To my baby, who had to grow up too soon. I'll never recapture those years and in a few months you will be off.
C0, you were a dream in my mind. I did not beg God for you. I just asked him/her to bring about whatever he/she thought best. And God brought you to me, so you became a gift representing so many beautiful things, the most of which are faith, trust,wit and constancy.
I was even lucky enough to know, really know the exact moment you were conceived.That was between me and God and now I share it with you. It was Thanksgiving night in Germany in 1991.Never thought of that double entendre before, but now I am. And oh... I am giving my thanks.
On Christmas Eve, I started to bleed. I knew I was pregnant,but had not yet gone to the Doctor, so I went to the hospital.
I cannot remember her name, but she told me. "Laurie, you should have come sooner. You are one of ours."
She could not find your heartbeat, but I knew that your silent heart beating so softly, but steadily next to mine was a private, proud and courageous one. I stopped in a parking lot on the way home and had such a long talk with you.I had wisdom when you were only five weeks inside my womb. As one gets older, one is supposed to acquire more wisdom. I guess I have always done things backward.
I made an appointment with the ChefArzt and went home. When I went to see him he told me in German that he did not think that I was pregnant. I told him right back in German,"Ich bin Swanger!" Of course, maybe that one time I was right and that is exactly where you get your stubborness from.
Later on when I had an ultrasound, I was lucky enough once again to get an intern who told me that there was something wrong with your head. I told him that maybe he had never seen a beautiful head before, nor the head of a genius waiting to be born. I was right again. You are so beautiful and so smart. Is that why we always get the same waiter in every restaurant we go to,and in Arabic, which only you speak, or German, or French,or Spanish, those waiters address you as beautiful lady more than once in one night?
Your Dad named you with memories, I think on one of our traveling jaunts spent at the Bodensee, a lake on the Rhine belonging to three countries; Austria, Germany and Switzerland, at the northern foot of the alps.
Glad we never skied there. I had enough to keep up with with your sister behind me, turning around and talking to the instructor, just missing trees and you racing down mountains without one snowplow maneuver whatever and me stuck in the middle not knowing what to do or where or whom to go to first.
A similar thing happened in Maine when we were back in the United States. This time I was not stuck in the middle. We went kayaking on the ocean for the first time having had a short lesson before we took off. You and your sister were around nine years old then. The instructor told us what to do if we capsized as the kayak would be upside down and we'd have to get ourselves out. I got very nervous as I was thinking that your sister might not understand the word capsize, maybe thinking a cap for your head and size like the size of your feet.The instructor noticed that I was nervous and said quite nicely, ( I am being sarcastic)"Lady, do you want to bail?"Of course I said no.You got in yours first and then your sister and finally me. You both took off. I was so nervous that I shook so much that my kayak started tipping. That made me even more nervous, as I kept thinking how would I save both of you if I could not even save myself? My kayak was really rocking now. You were already a mile ahead and your sister was not far behind. So I just started to think of other things and was able to start moving. The rocking stopped. The instructor's father was right behind me. I was just starting to enjoy myself when he paddled over to me and said,"Are you a nervous person?" My kayak started tipping again until I made him laugh by telling him, "Yes, that is why I am getting my second Master's in Counseling Psychology." (the truth) He remained glued to me and it really began to irritate me.He probably did not want his son to get sued for someone drowning on his watch. I just wanted to be free. I let you guys go that day or someone else did.I still could not help myself sometimes from sticking like glue to you, just the way he did to me, but I have tried.
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