To our first miracle baby,
For years,  before I even married Papi, but knew that I would, your name was a thought that the sun or  the wind (masculine in most languages, meaning, Papi) might help me give life to.I had your name already picked out, minus the h from the Greek. One meaning is graceful because I wanted you to be some things that I was not and am still not.
My Senior year in college, I had 5 gym classes to pass before I could graduate. Tennis, swimming, weightlifting- 2 classes were easy.Ballet- I just could not do. There was always a different instructor who took attendance facing us and then turned her back so that we could imitate her steps. As soon as she turned around I danced out of the room and left. Passed the course.
August, 1990: Krankenshwester, Frau Schmidt to ChefArzt, Profesor Heller, " Frau Bartholomae ist Swanger."
Before I knew that I was carrying you, I worked for a Catholic Monastery translating missionary journals from English to Spanish, or English to Portuguese and vice versa. Every midday, we would have brown paper bag lunches together and say a prayer. I was not raised Catholic and always worried that I was doing, "In the name of  the ....." backwards because that was the way I saw it and you know my eyesight. I do not think my fears were ever realized, however, I did much worse teaching in a Catholic school when I read three beautiful sentences from the Koran.It was from the attic of your great-grandfather, great- great grandfather and great- great- great grandfather, Library of the World's Best Literature, 1893. I thought the principal was going to chop off my head with all the phone calls she got from angry parents.
 I quit when I knew I was pregnant with you because I had read that radiation from computers was not good for pregnant women.
Early on, your father and I managed to put together a crib for you, which you basically ended up not using. You always slept with us, except for an occasional nap.In the beginning, you slept right on my chest.
Being pregnant with you was nonstop nausea ( meaning a healthy baby) and cravings for American food which was not available in Germany. The PX from the Department of Defense was now closed for me. Every morning on my 2 minute walk to the bakery I had to pass a stinky sewer where I always threw up on the way and on the way back
I do not remember which month I sat on your Papi's lap, but I do remember that he called me a Tank, in a nice way, if there is a nice way to say that.
I spent my days with wives from the American army in Germany. One was an officer's wife and she was pregnant too.The other was not, and she is still my best friend, going on more than 20 years. That is a separate story.
Jane and I kept each other company and told each other what foods were good for each month of pregnancy, like jello for fingernails.
I lost her phone number. Evidently, she lost mine too. Her husband, B. was deployed to the Gulf War in 1990 before it started. There is a satellite program for those in the service called the Armed Forces Network, (AFN). One day in early 1991 the TV went black in her barracks. She became hysterical, as she knew that was a sign that the war had begun.There was really no way to comfort her, except to be there.
The contents of her refrigerator made it seem like a magical one, all of the things that I craved, but could not get on the German economy like miracle whip,slices of Turkey, pickles, saltines, and I cannot remember what else. One day we must have eaten 4 cucumbers each dipped in vinegar.
Early on in my pregnancy I was still going to the gym. When you end up driving in Europe, as I feel that you will, you will know that it is so crowded there and so hard to find a parking place. I waited for one and one half hours for one. A man in a Mercedes was about to pull in to the parking space I had been waiting for. Before he did, I told him,"Es wird ihnen leid tuen." (Probably spelled wrong, fix it later.) Basically,( "You will be sorry.") When I found a parking space I got out of my car and pretended to keep dropping everything out of my pocketbook so I could let all of the air out of one of his tires without being noticed. I made sure it was good and flat so that he would be safe.I just wanted to let him know that it is rude to do that to anyone, and much more so when a man does it to a woman. God always pays me back right away for my sins. I went to ride the stationary bike with a good book. I did not know that the clock in the gym and the timer on the bike were both broken- stopped in time. I was on that bike for three hours.